On Repentance and Patience
Ephrem the Syrian
Has anyone ever pondered that this present life is like a runaway slave, an inconstant turncoat, and a house being torn down? Has anyone guarded his soul with such wisdom as to escape the sentence that awaits the wicked in the great and terrible day of God’s judgment?
What fountain of tears will be sufficient to extinguish the flame before we experience it? Or who will intercede for us with the Judge, so that He does not condemn us sinners?
Even among the saints, who could obtain forgiveness for us from the loving-kind God? Who could turn God’s wrath into mercy and His justice into compassion, if not the One who Himself has bound the burden of sins, carries it, loosens it, and lightens it whenever He wills?
For we increase the burden when we sin grievously, and we lighten it when we repent bitterly; and it depends on us ourselves to loose and to bind. But it is God’s work to forgive those who fall before Him; for truly we have a loving Master who, through repentance, releases the burdens of His servants.
Therefore, before our departure, let us earnestly implore the Judge, confessing to Him, that He may deliver us from His rebuke.
Even Noah, Job, and Daniel—friends of God Himself—and the Prophets, despite all their boldness, if they were to plead with God for their children, asking mercy for them from punishment, would bring them no benefit at all; they would not be heard or accepted.
What then shall we do, having neglected ourselves? Who will snatch us from the wrath of God, except the one God who judges and justifies?
See how the holy martyrs, who struggled on earth, repaid God, and what boldness they obtained before Him through their martyrdom! Having blotted out their own falls, they received not only this gift but, in addition, the heavenly kingdom and paradise—because they poured out their blood for that Blood which is above all price and beyond valuation, that is, the Blood of the Master. Preferring love for God over children, even over spouses, they finally became victors in the arena, so that after enduring scourging, they might receive crowns for their contest. Love for the Savior so drew their minds to run the same race with Him that, though perishable, they purchased the imperishable.
But we, His servants—what shall we render to the Master and King of glory? We often cannot bear even a word spoken by a brother that strikes us; forgetting our own wounds, both open and hidden (known to God), we cannot endure even snow falling from the sky.
Others who suffered for God’s sake were crowned; but we, though we can become martyrs even without torment, do the opposite and remain useless for anything, even becoming prey to those noetic beasts and evil demons.
What are you doing, O man, neglecting virtue? The Creator handed you over like gold to be melted—precisely through insults and temptations—so that through great patience and magnanimity you might prove to be a chosen and pure vessel. For an untried man is unskilled.
I am one of such people—I who have written this: I, useless and sinful, possessing no virtue, unworthy to be called your brother, because I fled from the sorrow that was preparing a crown for me; I, inexperienced, yet daring to praise the martyrs.
For as soon as I touch upon such praises, I begin to lament bitterly, I fall into great fear; my conscience wounds me, and the thought of recompense at the future judgment for evil deeds strikes me—for, burdened and crushed by them, I am unworthy even to look up to the heights.
And if I begin to pronounce praises of the martyrs, conscience, like a beast, attacks me amid my thoughts before the accusing God who sees the secrets of all men. It says to me: “Who are you, spreading abroad the deeds of others while being destitute of them yourself? What defense will you give to God, who brought you out of darkness into light, daring to speak of virtues that you yourself do not imitate?”
But it is better, while I have not yet fallen silent, as one who has acquired nothing of his own, to speak of yours. And since I have a loving Master, I will not cease to proclaim the praises of the martyrs.
Consider this: though I alone am unworthy and destitute of every virtue, yet I give money to usurers so that the Lord, when He comes, may take it back with interest. I wish to avoid accusation for the talent and not be condemned with that wicked man who buried his talent in the ground; therefore, to anyone who desires to be saved, I give counsel not to imitate me, a sinner, but, as one wise, to accept my words. Nevertheless, I do not consider it perfection to speak of this, because the will of God is known to all—great and small, rich and poor; and each one, if he looks, will see what is profitable for him, what God desires from him, and how he ought to be saved.
You have heard, I suppose, that Gehenna is prepared for us, and unquenchable fire, and gnashing of teeth, and outer darkness, as well as the worm, the flaming river that flows swiftly before the face of the terrible Judge—all these things with which the Man-loving God threatens us if we do not keep the commandments of God, if we do not first quench the flame with tears, if we do not extinguish Gehenna by repentance, if we do not kill the worm by chastity, if we do not fully entreat the altogether sinless Judge while we are still in this life, if we do not anticipate the Judge there by confession in this present world, if we do not show such repentance as alone can appease the Judge.
God has prepared torments not for us but for the devil and his angels; yet we ourselves, by our great vices, make ourselves heirs of these terrible sufferings. What was threatened to the cunning serpent, we men will voluntarily endure. For He says: “Depart into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels” (Matt. 25:41); but He did not say: into the fire prepared for men.
If those who act wickedly here already in this present life experience such severity and innumerable kinds of punishments, how much more in the age to come will the infallible and incorruptible judgment be unyielding toward us sinners, so greatly transgressing before the Judge.
O how great is our blindness! We implore God to hear us and open to us the door that we ourselves have shut even before entering it—that is, before prayer. What are you doing, O man suffering from foolishness? The Master’s door is always open for both great and small, yet we trouble the Master to open it for us—we who have shut it against ourselves; for it is in our power both to open and to close it.
If we do not sin, the Master’s door of mercies is always open to men; but as soon as we sin, it immediately shuts. God does not close the door to His servants when they draw near to Him in prayer; on the contrary, this door is always open to those who seek God, because to you He said: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” (Matt. 7:7), expressing His readiness to give everything to the one who asks.
Do not be harsh to yourself, O wretched one; do not attribute inhumanity to God. We ourselves are to blame, who by our sinfulness build up a wall and with our desires forge a bronze door.
Therefore, having been reconciled, judge for yourself and release from bonds the soul that you yourself have bound.
God stands and still waits for you, O man, that you may be reconciled with the Master; He still thirsts for your return, that He may receive you if you live uprightly.
Therefore, reconcile your inner man with the outer, and then you will be free from bitter slavery. In that case, even the door that you have shut against yourself you will find always open for your prayers; for which glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Ghost, now and forever! Amen.
Спаси Христос!