On Dying, Death, and Memorial Meals

Detailed Answers on how to prepare a body for burial. From the 100 Questions

What should a Christian do if their loved one is gravely ill and near death?

Earthly life is given to us to prepare for eternal life, to learn to love God and our neighbor. A Christian must both live and die "to the glory of God," as the apostle Paul writes (Romans 14:8). Until their final days, a Christian should remain united with Christ—not merely by being a "good person," but through prayer, repentance for sins, and partaking of the Body and Blood of Christ "for the remission of sins and life everlasting."

The holy fathers teach us that no Christian should leave this life without repentance and communion. Even those excommunicated from communion due to sins must receive absolution on their deathbed and partake of the Holy Mysteries, which serve as a pledge of their soul's salvation. This is reiterated in the canonical rules of the Church (e.g., the 13th Canon of the First Ecumenical Council and others).

Thus, it is crucial for a Christian during illness to call their spiritual father, or, in his absence, another priest of the Russian Orthodox Old Believer Church, to administer the Holy Mysteries.

Repentance cleanses the soul of sin, and communion of the Body and Blood of Christ completes the mystery of repentance, consuming sins and uniting the person with God. If someone dies shortly after confession and communion, their soul finds it much easier to pass through the trials of sins at the "aerial toll-houses," provided their confession was sincere.

However, we all have many forgotten sins for which it is impossible to repent. For this reason, the Lord established another important sacrament for sick Christians—anointing with oil (eleosvyashchenie or sorobovanie). In this sacrament, prayers are said over the sick person, and they are anointed with holy oil (olive oil) by seven priests (or fewer, if necessary, and even just one in extreme cases). In these prayers, the priests ask God to forgive all the sick person’s sins, including those forgotten or unknown, after which the person is given communion of the Body and Blood of Christ. There are cases where "hopeless" patients recover after sorobovanie. While this does not always happen—being subject to God’s inscrutable will—relief from suffering is almost always observed. Therefore, it is desirable for every sick person, especially those near death, to receive sorobovanie.

If the sick person is in a hospital, even in intensive care, a priest should be invited to the hospital to administer the Holy Mysteries. If the person’s condition is critical and death is imminent, the priest should be summoned immediately, at any time of day or night. Even if the critically ill person has eaten, the holy canons allow them to receive Holy Communion so they do not depart from this world without this great blessing. Delay in such matters can be fatal—not just physically but spiritually. If someone dies without confession and communion, especially if they have not partaken in years, their soul may be lost eternally. Relatives who refuse to call a priest for the dying commit a grave sin and risk the damnation of their own souls.

It should be noted that every Christian should strive to confess and partake of the Body and Blood of Christ during the Church's fasting periods or at least once a year. Relatives of the sick and elderly, who cannot attend church but remain at home or in care facilities, should regularly invite a priest, preferably during the fasting periods, and immediately in case of a health decline. Even if the sick person has fallen into a coma and appears unconscious, a priest must still be called. There are many cases where the sick emerge from comas within hours of receiving communion, are discharged from the hospital, and live for many years afterward. Only in cases where the person openly rejected God and faith before falling into a coma, and categorically refused confession, should they not be communed while unconscious. If they acknowledged God but postponed confession, without rejecting it outright, the priest should perform the rite of "silent confession" and commune the sick person, entrusting them to God’s mercy.

It is critical that the priest arrives while the sick person is still alive. Once a person has died, confession, sorobovanie, and communion are no longer possible—and this is a tragic spiritual loss.

What should a Christian do immediately after the death of a relative or close loved one?

We must always prepare for our own death, but in the event of the death of a loved one, we are called to show the final mercy to the deceased. This applies not only to relatives and close friends but to any Old-Rite Christian. Providing this last act of kindness is a great virtue before God, and some ancient saints were saved precisely through this virtue—personally burying, at their own expense, unknown deceased Christians, travelers, and the homeless.

The following advice is based on my priestly experience. These practices are highly individual, and other priests may have their own recommendations, as there are no strict regulations for these traditions recorded in church rules.

First and foremost, the deceased's body should be laid on their back on a firm surface covered with a clean sheet—such as a bench, a wooden plank (e.g., a door removed from its hinges) placed on stools, or the floor. This prevents the body from stiffening in an improper position. The body is laid out with the head facing the icons in the "red corner" (the home altar).

Next, the priest (the deceased’s spiritual father, with whom they last confessed) must be notified of the death.

Following this, order from the funeral service a wooden coffin with a separate pillow for the headrest and a wooden eight-pointed cross without inscriptions. The coffin lid should not feature a crucifix, icons, or any other images. Do not purchase any additional items from the funeral service: no hand crosses, decorative blankets, handwritten inscriptions, or small icons. These items are typically not Old Believer-compliant. Clothing for the deceased should be prepared in advance and conform to Old Believer traditions—what is known as the "death bundle."

In my own practice, I usually visit the home of the deceased with helpers who assist in washing and dressing the body, after which I perform the rite of placing the body into the coffin. If such practices are not observed in your parish or if the priest is in another city, the family should wash and dress the body themselves. This process is carried out as follows:

Washing the Body of the Deceased

Remove all clothing, including the wedding ring and any other items, such as a belt or gaitan (cord) with a cross. The old pectoral cross can be placed under the pillow in the coffin or kept at home as a keepsake. Pour cold water into a glass container (a glass or jar) and prepare 5–6 or more small clean cloths made of cotton fabric. Using the water, moisten a cloth slightly, wring it out, and gently wipe the skin of the deceased’s head with light pressure, excluding the back (underside). The wiping motions should be cross-shaped, as if drawing small crosses with the cloth. For each cross, silently or softly pray: “Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us.”

Continue wiping the entire body from top to bottom, including the arms. When reaching the “private” area, stop, change the cloth, and proceed to wash the deceased’s legs from bottom to top, finishing with the private area. Then, change the cloth again, turn the body onto its side, and wash the back side in the same sequence, changing the cloths as needed. Finally, clean the anal area.

When the body is turned on its side, shift the portion of the sheet underneath to the body, and place a clean sheet, folded into a roll, in its place. Unroll it halfway, then turn the body onto the other side (the cleaned side) so that it rests on the clean sheet. Remove the old sheet, wash the uncleaned side of the body, then unroll the clean sheet fully and lay the body on its back. Washing is now complete.

Pour the remaining water from the container into an “inaccessible place” (somewhere where people do not walk). Place the container used to hold the water in a plastic bag and break it with a hammer or other heavy object. Bury the shards in an “inaccessible place” or throw them into the grave at the cemetery (but do not place them in the coffin). After this, the body is dressed.

Note:
If the deceased has been brought from a morgue, even if already dressed, they must be undressed and a Christian washing performed. Spraying the body with a hose on a concrete table in the morgue is essentially not a Christian washing but a disguised desecration. Therefore, if you need to collect the body from the morgue, ask its staff not to dress the deceased but to wrap them in a sheet and place them in a coffin lined with a new plastic covering. After bringing the body home, you can perform the Christian washing and dressing there.

Dressing Men
“Funeral” clothing should ideally be prepared in advance. It is typically made of white cotton fabric, as white symbolizes purity and heavenly bliss. For a deceased male, first put on trousers and nogovitsy (cloth footwear; in some regions, bast shoes are used instead). Then, put on a shirt (similar to a long kosovorotka; if the deceased was baptized as an adult and retained their baptismal shirt, it can be used). Over the shirt, tie a belt. If a new kaftan is available, put it on as well.

Dressing Women
For a deceased female, first put on cotton stockings (or knee socks) and nogovitsy (as described above). Then, dress her in a long shirt (a baptismal shirt may be used) and a sarafan. Tie a belt over the sarafan. Comb the hair and braid it into two plaits, arranging them as a wreath around the head, and tie the ends with cotton ribbons (unmarried women have a single braid, which is not arranged around the head). Married women are given a kichka (a traditional headdress); if unavailable, a white kercheif is used, tied at the back.

Finally, all deceased women are given a white headscarf, the ends of which are secured under the chin with a stitch of white thread rather than a pin.

Continuation of Dressing Men and Women

A new Old Believer pectoral cross is attached to a new gaitan (preferably made of white cotton or linen) and placed around the deceased’s neck.

The fingers on both hands of the deceased are arranged in the two-fingered sign of the cross and temporarily secured in this position with bandages. The arms are folded crosswise on the chest, with the right hand over the left. Then, the deceased's hair is combed, after which the comb is also destroyed (either burned or buried along with the broken glass).

Next, the body is dressed in a savan, which resembles a long hooded garment that extends below the deceased’s feet. If a savan is unavailable, use a new sheet, fold it in half lengthwise, and sew it along the edge. In some regions, the savan is further sewn with three horizontal lines of loose stitching: the first at the top (where it is sewn), the second about 10 cm lower, and the third another 10 cm below that. At the seams, the fabric is gathered into pleats, with the uppermost row being tightly gathered, the middle row less so, and the bottom row even less.

The savan is placed under the body so that the hood is over the head and the bottom edge extends below the feet. If the savan has pleats, they help keep the face uncovered. The left side of the savan is folded over the body, followed by the right side, leaving the face exposed.

A binding cord (svivalnik) is then prepared. This should be a white cotton tape, a cotton cord, or a strip of white fabric 2–3 cm wide and 7–8 meters long. Find the middle of the svivalnik, and roll each end into two small bundles. Place the middle of the svivalnik under the back of the deceased, just below the base of the neck. Cross the left end over to the right and the right end over to the left, forming a diagonal cross. The ends are then pulled under the back, crossed again, and drawn up to form another cross on the abdomen or slightly lower. This process is repeated to form a third cross over the knees. The ends are threaded under the calves, brought out, and wrapped around the feet without tying them.

A diagram typically illustrates the positioning of the body in the savan with the bindings.

Placing the Wreath
A wreath (venchik) is placed on the head. According to ancient custom, the wreath should form a closed circle on the head, symbolizing the heavenly reward of the deceased. Printed paper wreaths are often too short. To solve this, take a piece of the svivalnik long enough to exceed the circumference of the deceased’s head, sew the paper wreath onto it, and fasten it around the head by tying the ends under the head. Adjust the paper wreath so that its center is above the bridge of the nose.

Placing the lestovka
In the deceased’s left hand, slightly opening the edges of the savan, place a lestovka (preferably made of white cloth).

Finally, adjust the hood of the savan to ensure it sits properly.

Placing the Body in the Coffin

The empty, uncovered coffin is placed on stools with its "foot" end facing the icons. The coffin and its lid are sprinkled with holy water. If a censer (katseya) and incense are available, light the censer, add incense, and place it in the coffin. Briefly cover the coffin with the lid to allow the incense to permeate it, then remove the lid and take out the censer.

Next, if liturgical books are available, read the Rite of Placing the Body in the Coffin. At the conclusion of the rite, several individuals lift the body of the deceased, turn it clockwise (in the direction of the sun), and place it in the coffin.

Afterward, cover the body up to the chest with a white cloth (a clean, plain white cotton fabric, such as a new sheet or a length of cloth at least 2 meters long).

Prepare the rukopisanie—a printed paper with a prayer of absolution. If the funeral must take place without a priest, fill in the blank spaces on the prayer with the title and name of the deceased’s spiritual father (e.g., "Priest John" or "Archpriest John") and the name of the deceased, preferably in the vocative case.¹ If you are unsure, use the nominative case. Fold the rukopisanie accordion-style from top to bottom, then tuck the right and left edges backward, interlocking them so that the cross image remains visible on the front. Place the rukopisanie in the deceased’s right hand, between the index and middle fingers, with the cross facing the deceased’s face. (If a priest is present, he will fill in the names and place the rukopisanie in the deceased’s hand.)

On the chest of the deceased, place a small copper cross with a Crucifixion or a small icon, resting it on the crossed hands, with its front facing the deceased’s face. Before the coffin is taken out, this cross or icon is removed from the body and not buried with the deceased.

Note: According to ancient custom, all clothing and items placed on the deceased should be made of materials that decompose easily in the earth, avoiding metal or synthetic materials. Even burial crosses were traditionally made of wood. For example, when the relics of St. Arseny Uralsky were uncovered, a wooden pectoral cross was found on his chest, incorrupt like the saint’s body. Unfortunately, wooden crosses have become rare in our time.

After Placing the Body in the Coffin

Once the above steps are completed, place a small table or stand at the "head" of the deceased with a lit lamp (lampada) filled with pure olive oil. Light another lampada before the icons. The lampada at the head of the coffin should remain lit continuously until the coffin is taken out. The one before the icons should, ideally, remain lit until the 40th day. If lampadas are unavailable, beeswax candles can be used, but these are a fire hazard in a home setting and are not recommended.

Begin reading the Psalter according to the funeral custom, with the funeral troparion read three times followed by 15 prostrations after each Glory (in some regions, the troparion is read once with five prostrations). During Bright Week, the Acts of the Apostles is read from the book Apostle in sequence, without the troparion or prostrations. The Psalter or Acts should be read continuously in shifts by several people until the funeral, if possible.

If there is a Russian Orthodox Old Believer Church (РПСЦ) in the city where the deceased lived, the body should be brought to the church immediately after being placed in the coffin so that prayers and services can be conducted there. If this is not possible, the coffin should at least be brought to the church by the time of the burial service, allowing the deceased to visit God's church one last time on their earthly journey.

For the funeral meal, prepare kutia—boiled wheat sweetened with natural honey after cooling.

When should memorial meals for the deceased be held? How should they be organized? Is it sufficient to simply host a memorial meal, or must commemoration also be ordered in the church? How should a memorial meal be conducted properly?

The commemoration of the deceased is typically observed on the 3rd, 9th, and 40th days after their death. Some also commemorate on the 2nd day. The counting begins with the day of death as the first day. Further commemorations occur six months after the date of death and annually on the anniversary of the death and the individual’s name day (the feast day of the saint whose name the deceased bore). Additionally, the deceased are commemorated on the so-called parental Saturdays: Meatfare Saturday, Trinity Saturday, Demetrius Saturday, and the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th Saturdays of Great Lent. Note: the dates for special commemorations of the departed are listed annually in the Orthodox Old Believer Church Calendar.

If a day of commemoration (other than the 40th day) falls on a Sunday or a major feast, when memorial meals are not held—including during Easter Week, Trinity Week, or Christmastide (from Nativity to Theophany)—the commemoration is moved to a different day, often a Saturday, either before or after the original date.

If a day of commemoration (other than the 40th day) falls during one of the weeks of Great Lent, the memorial meal is moved to the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th Saturday of Lent.

The 40th day commemoration must be observed precisely on that day, even if it falls on Easter.

The central aspect of a memorial is not the meal but prayer for the deceased. Prayers should be offered at home and in church. One should ask the priest for prayers, which could include a small memorial service (litia), a requiem (panikhida), or even a special liturgical service with the Divine Liturgy in church—the highest form of commemoration. Without church prayers, a memorial lacks its essence and becomes merely a formal meal, especially if there is no prayer at the table, as is often the case with secular people and non-Orthodox believers.

For a memorial meal, kutia (a dish of wheat with honey) should be prepared. Here is how it is made:

The required amount of wheat is cleaned of debris and rinsed with water. It is then boiled in water on low heat for about an hour. Alternatively, the wheat can be placed in a large thermos, covered with boiling water, and left for two hours. Excess water is drained, leaving the liquid (called sytá) slightly above the wheat. Once cooled, several tablespoons of natural honey are added. Note: If honey is added while the kutia is hot, the wheat will harden over time as if it were uncooked. In kutia, the wheat symbolizes the resurrection of the dead, and the honey represents the sweetness of the saints’ dwelling in paradise. Kutia is blessed by a priest, or in his absence, placed before icons with four candles lit around it during prayers as a form of blessing.

Kutia is eaten reverently, standing, as a sacred offering, before any other dishes at the memorial meal or after the Divine Liturgy, along with the blessed prosphora.

The memorial meal serves as an act of charity on behalf of the deceased. Therefore, the holy fathers advise inviting not only relatives but also the poor and needy Christians so that they might receive this charity as if directly from the hands of the deceased, for which they will be rewarded by God.

The meal should conform to the Church's dietary rules. On fasting days, the food must be fasting-appropriate; otherwise, the memorial meal becomes a sin. Additionally, it is unacceptable to commemorate the deceased with vodka or other alcohol, whether during fasting periods or non-fasting times. For monks, the meal should exclude meat.

Before the meal, the usual pre-meal prayers (Our Father, etc.) are recited. Throughout the meal, food should be eaten silently with constant inward prayer for the deceased: "Lord, grant rest to the soul of Thy departed servant (name)."

The specific dishes served at memorial meals vary by local custom. However, kutia must always be served first and eaten entirely.

In some regions, unique traditions are preserved. For example, among the Old Believers in the Kursk region, the meal begins with kutia, followed by a special local kvass, resembling a thick white jelly, fermented from raw rye dough rather than bread. After the kutia, boiled rice with fruits and raisins (sorochinka) is served, followed by pies filled according to the fasting rules. Lastly, buckwheat porridge is served (plain during fasting, or with oil or melted milk during non-fasting days), and soup is served last—noodle soup during non-fasting periods or mushroom soup during fasting times. The meal proceeds in silence, in a strict and orderly fashion, following the ancient custom passed down from ancestors. Remarkably, this sequence of dishes—drinks, then pies, then the "second course," with soup last—matches the banquet traditions of ancient Russian princes, preserved for over a thousand years.

After the meal, a short hymn with prostrations is sung for the living, followed by a requiem hymn ("Creator and Maker") for the deceased (if someone is present to sing it) or a requiem troparion with 15 bows (see Morning and Evening Prayers in the Orthodox Old Believer Church Calendar or Prayer Book).

-Protopriest Vadim Korovin

1. This obviously does not apply in English.